Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Christmas Update

This site has definitely turned into a grass roots site, where only those interested in the progression of the book come and check wonder what will come next. Which is why I started this site, and why I continue it. I haven't had much time to write down my contemplations, as many events have unfolded that require my attention. But not to worry, the books are always in my thoughts, and really and truly is the only real work that needs to be done, as far as I'm concerned. I've definitely felt as if there has been a force pulling me towards completion of the book. The force could be my own determination, will power, or something more.

As I look back at how far I've come over the last couple years, I see that this was all meant to be. I was meant to have the friends that have helped encourage me, edit, review, offer suggestions, and I'm thankful for that. As Christmas approaches, I look back at my target dates, and wonder how long it will really take to pull all of this together. The current process to bring this through to completion has been moving steadily along. I've been reviewing and changing small things in the material to ensure consistency, and continuity, as well as generally proof reading to enhance quality. The next stage of events will include the following:

- Finish my personal review
- Collect my editors reviews and final edits
- Collect my peer reviews
- Integrate changes
- Compare and contrast to the original unedited version
- Prepare strawman proposal
- Finalize proposal
- Prepare a short list of Publishers to pursue
- Mass proposal printing
- Sending it out / Meeting with prospective Publishers

As I'm working on the above, there I am diligently collecting my thoughts for Book 2. I have many of the events within the timeline plotted out. Many of the main ideas and concepts that I'm bringing forth have been contemplated and learned, and will eventually be integrated. Rough ideas for Book 3 have also come through, as I am coming to understand the entire breadth of knowledge that will be contained within the stories belief system.

I will be going on vacation in February for two weeks... back to where I finished Book 1. Mexico. I plan on not only having the proposal completed by then, but to have started Book 2, and laid down a few chapters as well. I need to finish Book 1 and get a better feel for the ending, as that will be a crucial step as to how I'd like to begin Book 2. All in all, it's moving quite well, and I'm happy with the progression. It's almost as if the book is evolving at the pace that I am. The faster I evolve, the faster the book evolves... so the only person I have to light a fire under is myself. So consider this messages not only an update, but a revitalizing fire that will bring the project closer to completion over the Christmas break. Thanks for all of your support.

Rob Graham

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


It's been awhile since I've had time to write. I'm not only referring to posting to this site, but also writing in general. My life has taken a strange turn of events lately, and things have become more clear.

Several relationship learning have taken place, as well as several formal courses dealing with Personality Theory, Abnormal Psychology, and topics of that nature. All of these things serve the creative process... but how could they not? I create as I live, and I live what I create. Whether the topics are deep, surface level, or what have you. I consistently will learn something new everyday. I will remember something new about myself everyday, and in that I have the opportunity to create myself a new every day. That process is difficult however, as I must fight through a belief system that hinders me. Weeding through it all from a logical stand point is one thing, but dealing with the emotional attachments to the beliefs is something entirely different.

It can be the difference between motivated action, and lethargic contemplation. I continue to look within for inspiration, and consciously do not let it turn to desperation regardless of the life events which surface around me. I am a better person for the days events, and I will continue to improve as the years pass me by.

The progress of Book I has slowed somewhat, but there is movement. My editor is nearly complete with the final parts of her work, meaning the last Part evaluation, and the last edits of the epilogue. The book is in the hands of someone who is helping me along with the Proposal process, as I continue to proof read my work once again. I would like the proposal to be complete by January, so that 2007 can be dedicated to shopping it around, as well as putting pen to paper for Book 2.

Book 2 will go deeper into the story of course, but specifically will speak to multidimensional theory and how the characters interact within the worlds in which they live. There will be several surprises, and the much awaited conclusion to a devastating conflict which appears in Book 1. Thoughts of Book 2 are always with me, and I always think of how life will unfold for me, either in waking life or in dreams, so that I may write what needs to be said. So I can do what needs to be done; complete the trilogy and publish it.

Time management has become an issue however, as there are many goals that lay before me, and many things that need to be done. In that space there is still me, a human being, attempting to live, and attempting to experience joy and love within a process which unfolds almost on its own. A process that involves me, consumes me, overtakes me and guides me down the path towards completion. Rest and fun have become foreign words at times, but I continue to press on, and grab my happiness here and there as it presents itself.

The fear I have however, is that neutrality... my main defense against the sometimes lack luster events which unfold before me, my main weapon in my fight to be detached from the world and the circus of events that unfold. I fear that my neutrality is robbing me of my humanity. Does it mean that because I am neutral to all life events, that I cannot enjoy life? Upon reflection of this paragraph, I say no. I say the ability to remain neutral allows me something that most people do not have. Clarity. The ability to selectively engage my emotions and gauge my response to events as they unfold. The clarity that this brings to any situation is invaluable. And when I decide that it's time to enjoy love, to live, and to have fun, I actively engage. Where neutrality allows me the ability to consciously disengage when needed, and to have the clarity to engage and use my energy when necessary.

I'm at a period in my life where life altering decisions happen on an almost daily basis. The ability to remain calm under that kind of duress is critical, albeit sometimes frustrating as well. I manage the frustration and stress in a few different ways, as my main outlet (writing) has taken the back seat. Time management will be more and more critical in the coming months, as I wrap my brain around a plan to have all of this come together by January, while still training Kung Fu and Guitar... and of course balancing all of this against the energy drain of my day job as a Process Analyst.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Dipping into the Negative

At times, throughout this process, I come to realize the experience of the Negative. Negative emotions, thought patterns, stories we tell ourselves, or even aversions to negative behaviours such as dominance or violence will be experienced by the self at some point along the path.

I often spent time wondering... how in the face of all of this "Goodness" that I have done, or that I am bringing and sharing with others in the world around me... how can I allow myself to experience these negative states? Over the years, I've shifted through several paradigms and theories as to why these cycles exist, and why I... "of all people" should have to experience them? Although I've experienced these negative cycles throughout all of my life, I never became so aware of it, as I have through the writing of these books.

During my writings of the more evil villains of the story, I've had to delve deep into the inner recesses of my mind, to extract the negative, and to play with it. To experience it, to embrace it, in order to write of it. I had to personalize it, in order to personalize it for my characters. In other words, I had to become evil, in my thoughts, in my perspective, and even in my behaviours... and I did so deliberately, in order to make the experience authentic for the reader. It was during this exercise that I realized that "evilness" can be picked up and dropped from the ego, or the self... just as easily as one would pick up a hammer, or a screw driver, or any other tool. Use it for the purpose in which it is required, and put it back in the tool shed until needed.

It was never put so crudely as it was when an old teacher of mine used to say... "Somebody's gotta be the asshole." I didn't quite understand what he meant at the time, but as my depth of comprehension as it relates to relationship dynamics grows and deepens, I'm beginning to understand.

And in this space, especially when I'm in this space of negativity, the questions arise as to ... "Why me?" So I plunge deep into the depths of Psycho Dynamics, and begin with my childhood. Were there specific reasons as to why I may dip in and out of the negative? Perhaps, but no greater or lesser than the experiences of any other average adult my age, or gender. So is it something that is "not unique?" Is this an experience that exists as the rain does... as the sun does... as simply what "is" in our realities. The eternal cycling from positive polarities to negative ones?

I think even greater still, these experiences are with me to help me understand the multifaceted depths of who I am, and in doing so, I'm able to illustrate the journey of myself, through myself, in my books. Without many of these experiences, my books wouldn't be nearly as engaging as they are. So, then the question comes to mind, did I do this to myself? Am I forcing myself through these experiences in order to help create an even more impactful work? Or is it greater than that, or perhaps more dimensional than that. Perhaps the works... the books are an aspect of the learning, but perhaps the real work lies in attaching meaning, and then evolving from these experiences.

And so I continue, I continue to attach meaning, and analyze the various thoughts that come into my head. I try to rationalize them, understand their origins, and then organize them according to my belief system. Why do the extremes have to be so great? I ask myself... why on the one hand is there the never ending urge to rescue all of us from ourselves, and in the other... perhaps a more self serving urge. Have I not adopted the concept of helping the all is helping the self? Why do the questions linger? In my understanding, they linger because I have not dealt with them yet.

Even more interesting, is my dream life is now more active than ever. And at times, more disturbing than ever. As I dip into the negative, so too does my dream life. Only to over emphasize my needs, or to highlight my dilemmas, or to put me in purposely uncomfortable situations to show me what is left to confront. What remains to be "worked out." Perhaps, the dreams are visions of the past, showing me exactly why these issues need to be worked out in this life. Sometimes these visions are so disturbing, that I force myself to awaken. Sometimes these dreams are so opposite of who I have created myself to be, that I wonder... why the dip into the negative? Why now? Why like this?

My mind then wanders into another paradigm of thought. If I exist in a realm where nothing is intrinsically meaningful. Meaning, nothing actually has any meaning at all, then why do I continue to hold myself hostage to the idea of "good and bad?" All of the evils all of the goods, all of the anythings that have ever occurred or will occur, are aspects of the human consciousness. Aspects of who I am, and where I came from. They are who I am. But then why do I continue to act as though these meaningless events, especially dreams, actually have any bearing on my day to day existence?

I think of the Yogi's, who are free to sit in a specific environment, which sets them up for success. They are alone, with nothing but spiritual aids around them. Nothing but devotee's around them, nothing but proper food and exercise around them, and the concepts of God and the Universe to feast on, all day long. When being so purposely setup for success, how can one fail? It is easy to reach enlightenment under these conditions. But give them a mortgage, a wife, a family, a job. Put the survival of their young on the line, and increase the pressure. How will they handle it? How real and applicable are their teachings then?

Perhaps they'll hold up. Perhaps they won't. One thing is for sure, they will need to adapt. And adapting in this realm, sometimes requires you to dip into the negative.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Book 1 Update

So the time has come to finally present some status to my readership. All 2 of you :)

I've been working diligently with my editor over the past summer to get the manuscript to a polished and properly edited space. The good news is... Michelle informs me that the manuscript has been completely edited, and I now only away the few remaining Chapter and Part evaluations that are still outstanding.

This will give me a great lead into where the book may need strengthening prior to my inevitable presentation to various publishers. I will be taking the next couple months to completely review the manuscript, and ensure that the proper messages are delivered, with the appropriate balance of grammar and style that will attract a reader without getting in the way. With the edited manuscript, and chapter evaluations from my editor and another close friend of mine, I'll have a good deal of ammunition to polish the book as it should be.

After I've surfaced with a completed and 'ready for distribution' manuscript, I will be working diligently to create my book proposal, and will seek to find various publishers within the New York, and Chicago areas... and I'll go from there. This will be the beginning, where the world takes it after that is up to them.

I'm just thankful and happy to be apart of the process. Thanks for reading, more to come as the days unfold.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Fully Present

What does that mean? It means something to me, but the question is what does it mean to you. What is your depth of comprehension when those two words are used in conjunction with each other.

FULLY - completely, entirely, wholly

PRESENT - right here, right now, aware

The simplicity of these two words is incredible, yet the implications are enormous. Can you do this? Can you be here, right now?

If you can, you'll suddenly discover something... beyond the wondrous feeling of being free of your past, of your neuroses, your analysis, your second guessing, and essentially your mind. You'll discover that there is nothing left... nothing left to think about, nothing to worry about, nothing to do... except be. Just exist.

Does the wind ask the trees to dance in its presence? Do the blades of grass ask not to be eaten? Do flowers require coaching to bloom? Do seeds require anything beyond what is contained within their tiny selves to become the mighty oak? All of the wisdom that created that seed, is present, always in that seed... and so the seed becomes. It grows, it flourishes, and it bends to the will of the sun, it bends to the will of the wind, yet never breaks. It simply decides how it needs to grow, and grows. So you too, decide how you want to grow, but always be aware that you are the seed. You have all the wisdom of life within you, and the same wisdom that created the seed, the grass, the wind, the world, created you. You are so much greater than what you think you are.

By virtue of you thinking at all, you've limited your experience. A great many masters have said "you must be out of your mind to discover yourself", and a truer statement has never been uttered. Be what you were intended to be... human. Be what you have always been... unbridled potential, inexplicable energy, unfathomable wisdom, unleashed passion, and an unknowing GOD.

You've forgotten something... you're caught up in the drama. You're caught up in the play... you're an actor who lives the role, and has become the character, losing all remembrances of the self. You forget that you've always lived, you'll always live, and that life is an eternal experience that you cannot be denied. You are an experience, you are an aspect, you are a life lived... just do so fully.

I had a talk last night with a really good friend of mine, and we discussed the barriers we put up for ourselves, and the ways in which we shelter ourselves from ourselves. We put up road blocks, to dissuade us from experiencing the now, fully. Why do we do this? Because for some, we dare not break the illusion. We dare not disturb the mystery, we dare not experience life in its fullest, out of fear. Fear of mistakes, fear of death, which of course, translates into a fear of life.

When the fallacies of the mind melt away, when the mind ceases to be present (a state accessible via the meditation techniques I've already provided in previous posts), there exists only emotion. Which emotion you ask? Well there are only two. Fear, and Love. The two essential polarities of energy in life. In all situations, we make either a fear based decisions (as a result of a fear based belief system) or a love based decision (which fully embraces life, realizing that we have been, and always will be love). All emotions are a derivative of these two. Think about it... jealousy... is that fear based, or love based? If you're confused, here's how you can tell which polarity you're swinging to...

Love - sets free, embraces, caresses, forgives, and surrenders.

Fear - confines, rejects, hurts, never forgets, and defends.

If you feel confined in your decision, it is fear based. If you feel rejuvenated, and set free by your decision, it's love based. If it is the best interests for all people involved, it is love based. If it is in the best interests of the self, and restricts you, it's fear.

Which side of the fence are you on?

A technique that I provided my friend... to experience the essence of who she is, and to experience the love in which the universe has for her, and the love she has for herself... I've given the following exercise:

Look into a mirror, look deeply into your own eyes. Never look away, regardless of how uncomfortable you might feel. Keep looking, look deeper, and surrender to the exercise. Look deep into your own eyes, and notice your feelings... notice that you will soon be embraced by a magnificent love that will permeate throughout your entire body.

If you can do this for longer than 10 seconds, you'll begin to feel this. If you can do this for 5 minutes, you will experience a warmth that you've sought after all of your life.

In combination with this exercise, the following word must be pronounced:


But stretch it out, as if it was a mantra of sorts, elongate the OOOOOOO sound. Take a breath, and repeat.


You may do the exercise with or without saying WHO, but I recommend trying both... especially for those who are not sure who they really are.

For my friend however, I suggest you try this initially for.... 55 seconds.


Monday, July 17, 2006

Turning Point

There is a quietness that exists when the mind empties itself of the constant chatter of everyday life. I experience this when I rid myself of the past, of the future, and exist in the moment of NOW. In this experience, I understand that regardless what may happen, now or in the future, I will always be who I am. Regardless of how I choose to manifest who I am, or what I think, I will always be 'this'. I can attempt to change, to evolve, to be more than what I perceive myself to be, and to learn and gain greater levels of awareness.

In this I err, as somehow I've lost touch of something very important while striving to gain newer levels of awareness. I've lost connection with the moment of NOW, and I've allowed my ego to interfere, getting my caught up in the drama's of everyday life. Of managing relationships and expectations. I've allowed myself to delve into the deepest recesses of my mind, trying to understand the paradox of life, which some would say is simply a waste of time. Life simply is mysterious, and is simply a reflection of myself. No matter where I go, what I do, everything around me will be a reflection of my personal universe.

In my personal universe I can choose to be with someone, or I can choose not to be with someone. I can choose to feel guilt for leaving someone in their disabled state, or I can choose not to. I can play out my role as villain and even imagine that it was I that brought them to this vulnerable state, and then feel the guilt of leaving them there. But just as I would respect a 'stranger' on the street and respect their path and process as being their own, I must respect the path and process of those close to me... even those who are intimately intertwined with me.

If they have chosen to be with me in their current capacities, then that too is their path and process, and I cannot limit my own development by feeling guilt over the possible emotional turmoil that their connections may cause. This is something that I've been struggling with for some time, as I've only set out to do what I perceive to be 'right' and 'just' in the world, and sometimes that might mean being the 'asshole'. I can only hope that those who are in these situations have the clarity of mind at some point in their development to accept and understand that this is too a necessary part of their path and process.

In the midst of my struggle with myself, I realize that... although we fight... and we are one soul... I still do not have to do this alone. There are those who can offer their opinions... the world has no end to that resource, but ultimately it will be my choice. No amount of delaying, fact gathering, reflecting, or formulating will halt the development of life. Life will be, for it cannot do anything but... be. It is only my own imaginings that make the process more difficult than it has to be. My own mental imagery, whether that is derived from prophetic dreams, intuition, or day dreams of the ego, they are all images that distract from the moment of now.

And in this now, I choose peace... I choose joy... and I choose freedom. I will always choose that, regardless of the fallout in the illusions around me. Regardless of the people that cannot fathom such a choice and choose to be hurt by it, and most importantly, regardless of the good opinion of others. I will always be me, until the death of my ego, and my eventual ascension. So be it.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Status Update

Several things have been happening, and my apologies for the lack of updates. I've been very busy as of late, with the training, the social events, and the work I've been doing with my editor.

The project is still very much alive, as we've now gotten to the half way in terms of editing. We've just finished up the edits and the evaluation for Chapter 11, and things are moving along well. I've recieved invaluable feedback from the editor, and friends, so that's very positive. This process itself has sparked interesting changes in the people involved, from new awareness, new found abilities, to a sense of overwhelming clarity at times.

During the time I've had since the April completion of book I, I've been busy training myself, upgrading myself, and essentially saturating myself with information. Things from Psychology, to NLP, to Hypnosis, to Kung Fu, to music, ... and my personal favourite, the combination of all of these that has enhanced my rapport and conversation skills.

Through my experiences at work, I've been able to utilize much of my above training, and have observed the results directly. The results have been fascinating. Many of the experiences that I've been harvesting will be embedded in some way shape or form within the next series of books.

Book II is looming, and is never far from my mind. Right now, I'm taking a bit of a break from the creative process, and allowing this rest period to mature me. When I feel ready to begin, I will. But until then, there's much work to be done.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Blackbird fly

All your life... you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

In my life, the shared experiences with loved ones and friends has been the most influential and most valuable aspect of life that I'll take with me. Once you leave your home, and your family, and move out on your own, you'll discover something... the most obvious thing, yet the most important as well. That the shared experiences, the shared reality that you once existed within are now a memory. Now all of a sudden, to continue with the relationships, and to engage in further experiences of love, friendship, and family, you must make those relationships a priority.

Often times we underestimate what happens when we visit our roots, when we visit the personalities that created and shaped us into the people that we are today. When we view the bahaviours, the personalities, the problems and strife... the love and the laughter... it forces us to reflect on ourselves and the progression of our lives. What will come of us now? Now that the behaviours of our parents are so subtle and ingrained within ourselves. Where do we go? What is life all about?

Is it about finding a mate, and having kids. Providing a better life than I was provided? In my case, that's a tall order, because I couldn't have asked for anything more than this. Is life about death and taxes? Is life about supporting the hierarchy that we all exist within, getting a menial job... finding a mate to rub our pennies together and scrimp and save, in the hopes that we may be able to retire without eating cat food? Is this all there is?

I had a conversation with someone today who was down... yet another example of someone whose happiness is attached to some external event. And the event that he choose... of all things... is the rise and fall of the stock market. Because lately, the stock market has been going down, his happiness and mood has gone down. In hopes to snap him back into a more stable reality, I simply pointed out the absurdity of being happy only when stocks are up and on the rise... and if his happiness is tied to the rise and fall of stocks, and given the current trend, I remarked that he's in trouble. His response was... "money buys you options." My response was that no... your inner world is what provides you with options. You can be a pauper and have more options than the richest of men, it is all in how you look at it... it's all in how you construct your reality. This particular friend is someone who has stepped away from the transcendental as of late, and has fallen back into the illusion of material possessions and the supposed happiness they bring. I know that eventually, once he's dissatisfied with the lack of happiness, he may go back and walk the path again, but that is his choice, as it is everyone's. Unfortunately, the less people that are even aware of the path, the less chance we have to stablize our collective realities.

Imagine a world where everyone's happiness was tied to the stock market. Or the bonds market, or even more drastic, the rise and fall of commodities like gas or gold. Imagine how unstable our entire world would be. We would all be psychotic, simply because our emotions would control us all the time. We would be at the mercy of the external environment, with absolutely no control over how we feel. We would cause wars, commit crimes, cause misery, and pain for everyone around us. Sounds absurd doesn't it? Well perhaps it's a good time to realize that this is exactly what all of us do. All of our emotions are closely attached and linked to external events, circumstances, or objects. Some of us choose more stable things to be happy about, some of us don't. Some of us are just content to be with their families. Some of us are content that they have a nice collection of toys... electronics... music... etc. Some of us are content and happy when they are dating the "right" person.

None of us actually realize the absurdity of giving away our power and control of our emotions, but we do it constantly... and worse yet we don't even see the problem. Most don't even think it's a problem to begin with... it's simply the way they were raised... because the behaviour of their parents was similar, they too are only able to perceive happiness if external events magically line up and allow us the *blessing* of being happy. I say that is absurd, and as such I suggest that people begin to see and reclaim the power that they have over their internal world... and decouple that from our external world and the events that unfold around us. Then perhaps we will all stabilize around a more positive attitude bit by bit... one person at a time. Then perhaps peace will finally be upon us.

All realities are constructed from within, and that construct is what allows us to perceive the external world the way that we do. The good news is that our constructs of reality can change at anytime. But only if we want to... only if we first of all perceive that we actually *can* change or affect something... that we have some measure of control. Once that is realized, internally we make the decision that we have the power to change the event or circumstance or even object in question. We may even act at this point... perhaps the event irritates us and we desire change, or perhaps we see the opportunity for improvement and actually have the internal fortitude and gumption to change. Perhaps... maybe once in a life time... people may realize that the external world only changed because of the change within.

Once there was a way... to get back home. Where peace of mind is actualized and easily obtained... so peaceful is the mind that for the first time, we may realize the real intelligence beyond the illusion and chatter within consciousness. To be free of the cultures, the religions, the dogma, the judgments, the societal constructs that limit and condition us so well, so subtly that we're oblivious to it. But for now... sleep as you will... but know within you... that there will be a path... and we all will walk it.

All your life... you were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Life is what happens to you...

When you're busy makin' other plans! Ok so let's try this again, as I wrote a huge article updating everyone on what's been happening with me lately, and what's new and exciting, but this wonderful blogging tool deleted my entire post, and left nothing behind save my own tears. And as irony would have it... life did happen to me while I was writing the article, which is why I couldn't save it in time, so here we go again!

Last night I had a great training session for NLP and Hypnosis, which are extremely valuable tools for motivating, and empowering others to peak performance levels. I myself underwent hypnosis yesterday, and I'll just answer the first question that everyone seems to have... right off the bat. Yes I am in control while under hypnosis, as all hypnosis is self induced. You can pull yourself out of it at anytime.

Some people ask, well why do people do crazy stuff while on stage if a hypnosis is performing? Well psychologically those individuals have already made an internal agreement that they'll be going onstage to make a fool of themselves, and so they do. That isn't what my training is about however, as I train to access the subconscious and unconscious mental processes, to suggest powerful thoughts at that level, which act as the catalyst to change within a persons life. The exercise I went through was a direct response to a question I had regarding the ripple effect that bad associations to life circumstances can have over time. The visualization that I went through was extremely focused, detailed, and revealed some interesting visual representations of my thoughts about myself and about my current life conditions.

In an amateur fashion, I have guided others through visualization over the years, so this training only serves to strengthen and enhance my skills and techniques. That way I can better serve the populace, and better integrate motivational concepts in my work. I've always said that for my stories to evolve, I must evolve, therefore I've placed myself into situations where intense training is required, and deeper thought must be given to fully comprehend what is being taught.

As I train NLP and Hypnosis, I've learned several motivational techniques, many ways to access the conscious, subconscious, and unconscious mind, all in an attempt to evolve my understanding of the inner workings of the human intellect. All hypnosis is self hypnosis... as I went under yesterday, I had full awareness and control over what was happening to me, and simply allowed my subconscious to populate my visual world, while being guided by the practitioner. This reveals very interesting aspects of yourself, especially as the experience I had was walking through a museum of my own life, with various pieces of art work, sculptures, and other objects which represented times in my life, aspects of my consciousness, and life circumstances I am faced with. This allowed me to quickly and easily see visual representation of the "problems", and to also visualize the solution as well. NLP + Hypnosis is based on Gestalt therapy, Family therapy, and Hypnosis, and serves to take the best models of what works, vs. what doesn't work.

What works vs. what doesn't work, seems to be a model of life which yields the highest results. Truth and Falsehood are far too subjective, as they require a personal point of view for real validation. What is true for you, may not be true for all people, in all times and places. So truth, very quickly, becomes a subjective reality. What works, vs what doesn't work seems to be far more objective, as it's results based. Does this work? Does this have a result that is quantifiable? Can I repeat this process, and obtain the same result? Notice how truth is an unnecessary judgment in that process.

In addition to this training, I continue with my Kung Fu, which serves to enhance my daily life in more ways that I can even articulate. From the reading of body language, to the understanding of memory and intellectual processes, to confidence, to the deeper comprehension of combat in general. Highly rewarding learning process, which has aided in my evolution, and the evolution of my books in many ways.

My nights are busy these days... with guitar training tonight, and kung fu tomorrow... and a dinner on Thursday and Friday... my weeks are fairly packed. While all this is going on, my editor is working diligently and is moving at a fantastic pace. She's been editing 2 chapters per week, and at this rate, Part I of the story should be complete by next Monday. There are 21 chapters in the book, with an epilogue and prologue that also require editing, so we're well underway. Once the editing process is complete, I'll go back and accept or reject changes, and integrate portions of the various feedback I've received, and work towards polishing the book as much as possible. Then of course, I'll be working with my Marketing Guru associate, who is helping me prepare a proper Book proposal, which I will then send to various publishers. Very exciting times these days... and I'm extremely busy! But in the end... it'll all be worth it. Thanks for reading.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

May - Book 1 update

Ok Ok Ok... so it's not published yet... but give me a break! This isn't easy! Luckily things have continued to progress nicely for me however, as I now have 2 (possibly 3) reviews and edits happening right now.

I've hired a new editor who has already proven to be extremely valuable, and seems to have latched onto the story in the way I was hoping. It's difficult finding the right editor, simply because they may not be in the same zone in terms of your writing, which would then cause you to have conflicts and could spark an entire rewrite, or at the very least discourage the author unnecessarily. So far so good with this editor, and I'm very pleased with the responses I've received, and I feel this will be an incredible value add to the story, as she is doing a rough line / copy edit, along with the manuscript evaluation. This will be extremely valuable... simply because the main simple corrections will be done, and all that will remain is to properly integrate the feedback I've obtained from my various sources. This is all in an effort to get the best work possible before I put my heart out there and approach various publishing houses.

Initially I will approach the 6 major Sci-Fi / Fantasy publishing houses in the United States, and failing that, I will broaden my view and genre and approach various Fiction houses. If that doesn't work, then self publishing is the way to go. Regardless of how long it takes to get this project off the ground, it will get there. One way, or another. Of course, having a well known publishing house distribute your work is much better option for the casual, or transitioning author (meaning transitioning from a 9 - 5 job, to authorship).

Of course that is the goal, that authorship will be the final destination for me in terms of a career, which can branch off into teaching, coaching, or training others going forward. That comment will make much more sense after I've created book 4, which is a book based on the experiences of the main character, as he trains with several masters on various topics. That will be a detailed account of his journey and discovery as he fully realizes his abilities, and what he must do to defeat his opponents.

Timeline for this round of edits is roughly 8 - 10 weeks, but I feel that it will be finished sooner than that, as my goal for publishing this year is still going strong, and if I'm a month or two off, that's still pretty damn good... still more efficient than some of the Projects I've worked on during my day job! But we're getting there, so thank you to all who have shown interest, and have supported me with your thoughts and feedback, you've been invaluable in this process.

So what am I up to while the edits are going on? Well, for the books to evolve, I too must evolve, so I continue to train my art, research further topics of interest, and develop new methodologies to communicate our latent abilities to those who may be unaware of them, and to formulate new and more exciting plots and stories for future work. Is there anything better than creation?

Friday, April 28, 2006

Full Circle

All things in life will come full circle. We are born, we are children wanting to be older, then adults wanting to be younger. We are born, we die (perhaps), and we're born again. A friendship begins with a handshake, a cycle ensues... and sometimes a friendship even ends with a handshake. Sometimes we reach a plateau in life, we then go out and learn, experience, and do many things to overcome that plateau, to change it... to live another way. Then after awhile, we end up right back where we started... the plateau. A different plateau, but a plateau nonetheless. We carve our path out in life, thinking that things will be better if I do something, or experience something new. Only to realize that the emotions we seek to envelop us have been within us all along.

There was nothing as powerful in my life experience, as the time I fully came to realize what happens when a cycle comes to an end... only to find that you've engaged in another cycle immediately. I have a close friend who brought out, and drew out experiences, confidence, and validation from within me. Without those exchanges of information and consciousness, without the validation that I received during those exchanges, I would be hard pressed to believe I'd be where I am today. Not to say that I am relinquishing my responsibility in getting here, it was my path. But the friendships I've forged along this path have exponentially aided my development. At a higher level, I drew these experiences to myself. At a granular level, I thank the individuals who helped me get here.

One fine morn, we shook hands and it began. Over the course of a year and a half, we shared many validating experiences in terms of my own concepts of life, and how the energy systems work within the body, and a varied of other confirmations. Those experiences are now apart of me, I will look back to those and view them as apart of the foundation on which I stand. I've been fortunate to have validation throughout all of my life, which has allowed me to evolve my understanding on a daily basis. But certain key moments in time have unfolded which have prompted me to move forward much quicker. And as we both watched the world around us change, we came to realize something... that the work we had set out to do was complete. I had received and experienced what was needed to get me here... today, and he had experienced what he needed to get him where he is now.

One fine morn, we shook hands once again... with beams of light shining down through mirrored windows upon ourselves, signifying that our cycle of learning and development had come to a close. The relationship died that day, in a way that few will understand, only to give rise to new beginnings and a new kind of friendship that forged and sealed with the clasping of fists. We haven't seen much of each other since then, but we both know that the new cycle we've engaged in... will too come to a close, and we will once again come full circle. Right back to where we started... shaking hands, talking about life, and the possibilities of an even grander future that lies ahead for us all.

Thursday, April 27, 2006


This is how pain can be easily managed with mere thoughts received and processed by the human brain. With this concept in mind, pain becomes less of an issue, as you can more easily detach yourself from the physical experiences of the body.

Within Kung Fu, we learn that the BEING aspect of what / who you are, can be detached from the DOING aspect of what / who you are. On the outside, within a combat environment, we would be DOING violent, brutal, and perhaps deadly acts, however that does not mean that we are BEING violent, brutal, or wish death on anyone. We must disassociate ourselves and the DOING aspect, from the BEING aspect. Within a combat scenario, that is the only thing that will keep you alive, is your ability to simply and easily disconnect those two... seemingly married concepts.

Within life, we associate our doing with what we are. People ask you... what do you do for a living? The answer is... I'm a Process Analyst. When we witness that persons behaviours, we associate that behaviour with being a Process Analyst. The doing aspect, quickly becomes a synonym for what the individual is being. But this is not always the case. For those individuals that have the ability to run their BEING and DOING in parallel, they play by a different set of rules.

DOING is a physical experience, but BEING is a state of mind. I can be compassionate, generous, loving, while I'm in the midst of robbing you of your life within a combat scenario. Simply because my state of being is that way, however if you cross the line and you become violent towards me or my loved ones, and you begin to encroach on that space, then there will be consequences. It is in fact the BEING cool, calm, collected, and methodical aspects of mind, that allow the DOING to be executed so gracefully, so seamlessly and that which allows for adaptation, even amidst highly emotional, and violent behaviours coming at you from an opponent. But throughout all of my studies, it is only within Kung Fu that they have formally taught that a separation of DOING and BEING is a necessary requirement for proper advancement.

Applied to everyday life, you can DO just about anything as a profession, but within, you may BE anything you like. As that is your inner world, which no one can view, and that is the world with which you are able to create yourself anew each and everyday. In a newer, and grander version of who you are. You can create yourself within your own mind, as a writer, a poet, a martial artist, a musician, a philosopher, a wizard, a master, a sage, a guru, or my personal favourite... the humble teacher. Even though your DOING may be totally different than that... your state of BEING, and the emotions associated to that are very real... and your physical behaviours will eventually modify themselves (consciously or unconsciously) to align with your state of being, and it will permeate throughout all aspects of your life. But the proper knowledge, and execution of these concepts, and the wisdom to know when to do so, can be extremely valuable.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Book 1 - Update

Well it's been awhile since I've actually given an update regarding my book. I've lost my editor at this point, as she had family issues which took priority over editing, which is of course very understandable. I am at a loss now without an editor, but she was kind enough to provide a reference to which I've also posted under the Research section of my web links. This site allows you to search for editors in your area, which I've done. I've contacted several of them at this point, to gather some quotes, and some further knowledge about the process of writing and publishing. The information I've obtained thus far, just by having to contact these various editing companies has been invaluable. I've now learned the differences between Line editing, Copy editing, Structural editing, and the purpose of having an editor review your work prior to submission to publishers.

A great deal of interesting info came out of that tangent, such as the futility of actually editing your work before going to a publisher, who usually bears much of the editing costs. I was discouraged by an editor, to actually hire them for editing services, simply because that work is usually reserved for the publisher, who will undoubtedly change your work around, no matter how much you've previously paid professional editors. That is not only a cost savings idea, but it takes a great deal of pressure off of this whole process. But of course... and as usual, the work falls squarely back where it belongs. In my lap.

I have to go over and edit and polish what needs to be polished myself, before I submit to a publisher. I can't offload that work onto anyone else at this point. Which does allow me more creative control, and helps me avoid unnecessary criticism. One suggestion of theirs, which I'm still mulling over, is to pay for a Manuscript Evaluation. This is essentially, a "what works" vs. "what doesn't work" view of the book, without getting into the actual technical, or grammatical aspects of review. They mainly look at plot, characters, setting, continuity, and several other story driven structural anomalies that may need further work. I've already received good feedback from them, with the 2 chapters I've sent... so I am anxious to get further feedback from an accredited company. But of course, there is a large cost associated for their review. As I say, still mulling it over.

I have another editor who may be willing to engage by April 28th or May 1st, so that is also another option, and I have a friend who has also agreed to do a formal Manuscript Evaluation... so the feedback is coming. Now all that remains is for me to actually do the work! And integrate all of the feedback as pertinent.

Epilogue is still being written. I toyed with a couple different ideas, but then settled on my first thought... which will be better overall for the stories experience, but it does require more effort. I still have a ways to go, but I'm getting there. Every time I've put my word out there and said definitively that .. "The Epilogue will be done by X date", I've proven myself wrong. So instead, I'll just say.... it'll get done when it's done. Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Did you know...

That everything you are experiencing right now in life, is something that you have brought to yourself for the purpose of evolution?

Did you know that everything you've ever experienced, be it good, bad, disgusting, vile, wretched, inhuman, blissful, wondrous, or hateful, you've brought to yourself for the purpose of learning who you are? You do this by taking the emotional wisdom from the experience, and storing it within your soul, where is can be drawn from at any time as a point of reference, a point of wisdom. Essentially, the emotional energy is stored within you, simply so you no longer will have the urge to experience that again. You can if you want to... because you may thoroughly enjoy the experience, but in that case... you really haven't had "enough" of the experience yet. Sex is a good example. Most people would need quite a lot of it before they could say... hmmm I've had enough of that in this life. But for other experiences, which aren't as pleasant, such as being abused. You may have the strength within to say, hmm I don't need that experience again. I know what it is to be oppressed. You may even know what it's like to be the oppressor. But you'll never understand the feelings from both perspectives, unless you've experienced both perspectives... the oppressed, and the oppressor. Sometimes we can cycle through these experiences quickly, learn from them, evolve, and move on to the next experience. Some of us, however, get stuck in a behavioural loop, where we constantly repeat the behaviour because of some insecurity, or emotional payoff.

Did you know that every life circumstance that you can identify right now... in your life today, is there because you have some issue... be it, spiritual, psychology, or physical... that needs to be worked through? And the circumstance has appeared conveniently in your life, to provide you with an opportunity to overcome that situation. For some... that is a tough pill to swallow. It's even tougher still... for those who are consciously aware of that fact, because then to take an inventory of the life circumstances in your life, with full awareness of why they are there... makes you wonder exactly how far you've really come on the path of evolution. Example... "Why am I still dealing with issues of loneliness?" or "Why am I still dealing with issues of physical weight?" A sobering thought. The attention that it takes to remove these blocks from our lives, is quite large, and requires thought, words, and deeds to do so. Not always a simple task, given the illustrious illusions that we are faced with each and everyday on top of this. Such as kids... work... bills... etc. But the faster we move through these things... these life circumstances, the faster we progress on our path to unlimitedness.

Did you know in a state of pure unlimitedness, that you are capable of absolutely anything? Of course... because you are unlimited! Does that mean you could fly... or move mountains with mere thoughts. YES! With only the faith of a mustard seed, you can do this. But do not underestimate the faith of a mustard seed. That seed knows... it doesn't guess... it doesn't doubt... it doesn't feel guilty that it isn't a mustard bush yet... it just knows... that it is now, and it will be a mustard bush. And it is. Do you have the same clarity of mind?

Monday, April 24, 2006

Analyzing My Evolution

This is always a tricky topic, because even voicing concerns about the path and the progression along it, reinforces negative behaviours simply by bringing them back to consciousness. My motto is simple.

Think about it --> Brings it to you
Don't think about it --> It goes away

If you can rationalize those two concepts, and totally align your development with those two ideas, then your progression will accelerate exponentially. Most people do the opposite, which is to think about (and worry about) the things that they DON'T want to happen, and rarely give attention to the thoughts that they DO want to happen. Which is the reverse of how I've experienced the universe and how it functions to bring forth your desires.

The next step of course is Honesty. If you can honestly create a matrix within Microsoft Excel of behaviours that you "do"... and "don't do"... as of today, then further categorize those columns as either "Helping" or "Hindering" your evolution... then you have a working list of behaviours and a formula to work on right now.

But maybe... you're stuck at... what should I consciously evolve? I don't even know what Evolution is... and you want me to work on making that process better? How do I do that? Well... those are a great many questions, that can all be summed up as such.

Evolution = Being better than I was yesterday.

Or for the "Hard Core Evolver", Evolution = Being better than I was a moment ago. Take any behaviour... lets pick an easy one, like smoking. Perhaps you know that this is bad for you, you know that you are killing yourself, you know that you're just joining the social herd, and willingly putting down your power to change your behaviour, simply for the experience of smoking. Maybe you've even identified that this is something that is "change worthy", and now it's time to get to work. Well that is how I'd select an item for my Evolution Matrix. I would put smoking in the... "DO" category, as of today (hypothetically), you may be a smoker. You may also drink alcohol. You may also, eat after 7pm, and perhaps you even lack physical activity in your life (what a shock!). Perhaps these are all things that you could select as an evolutionary step in your own personal development.

Perhaps you'd like to change a psychological behaviour... perhaps you are frustrated whenever you see a beautiful girl. Perhaps you are judgmental. Perhaps you perceive all of the wrong doing in your life, as something which is caused by a force outside of yourself, instead of identifying your own behaviours which caused the "wrong doing". These are types of behaviours that that may require change.

Perhaps you are fearful of something... something which is holding you back in other activities in your life. Perhaps you're afraid of traveling long distances in cars, or planes, or you're fearful of speaking to new people. All of these activities or behaviours may be deemed change worthy by you. And if you have the proper intention, you may even have the gumption to change them, which will open you up and allow more unlimited thinking. This is what evolution's true purpose is all about... removing the self imposed limitations that we ALL place on ourselves. If we can remove that limitation, there is literally no stopping us from creating exactly the type of reality that we'll all truly enjoy for ourselves.

How am I doing on my course of evolution? Getting there. There will never be an end to how much limitation there is within your belief system, so the long and winding road back home... is back to a point where you are unlimited with your thinking, and your beliefs. I measure my evolution on a day to day, moment to moment basis, and take assessments (informally) weekly to see how much improvement there has been. Sometimes there is great improvement, sometimes there is only micromovements forward. Almost always, there is some motion backwards... because our brains, as wonderful as they are, tend to default back to their routine behaviours, so evolving, given the physical limitation of the human mind, can also be a challenge on a physical level.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Transpersonal what?

Had an interesting chat with some colleagues from work this afternoon, who are always an extremely intriguing bunch. I love my job as it allows me to interact with so many different types of people, and it allows me to establish so many various types of relationships.

Relationships offer an incredible opportunity for creation, as every moment is a reflection of the inner world and process, and refining that projection is a masterful practice. You can instantly see how your behaviours are effecting the other, and you can similarly see how your behaviours may change the other, or vice versa, depending on who is perhaps more dominant. In so many ways, relationships can offer a reflection of who you are as a sentient, as well as what type of person you're truly interested in. Who am I in relation to that behaviour emitted by my loved one? Was it a pleasurable behaviour or experience, or was it not. How will I respond either way? All of these things define you on the fly. When that's a conscious process, and you modify your behaviours on the fly, adapting and evolving, as each moment unfolds, making you into an even better version than you were yesterday... well that is God like.

The friend that I met is a consultant for a large international computer firm, and he mentioned something very intriguing. Actually on a few different topics, but lets see how far I get. He brought up the idea that many many people are on these "Transpersonal Journeys", either trying to find psychics, or whatever, with varied results. Others are on the same "Transpersonal Journeys" but they've evolved to such a level, that they've forgotten how they got there. Which isn't as useful, because as they've saved them selves, and brought themselves to realization, they've forgotten how they got there. The real work is at the "Red" level, which in the Spiral Dynamics model, is the aggressive, herd like groups of individuals who are lost in a sense. The goal is to bring up the averages of all people, so everyone can sit at a higher level of understanding, so that we don't have such a wide gaping split between conscious entities in terms of their universal understanding. When you're up there on the 7th plane, looking down, it's easy to think "oh poor them, without clarity", but do you remember what it was like when you were down at the "Red" level, looking up? If you can successfully document your journey to mastery, or your journey through evolution correctly, you could have a powerful tool to help "bring up the averages" of the rest of the individuals. Which individuals you might ask? Perhaps the ones blowing themselves up, or the ones raping the world for resources, or the ones that believe they are so separate and individual, that they feel the need to rob others of their possessions and lives.

Too much personal development / evolution in the Upper Left Quadrant within the Spiral Dynamics model, refers to developing your spiritual, unifying, higher self awareness. Too much work in this area can cause you to totally disassociate yourself from your normal group of friends, and even your normal set of activities. Because, as I once told to a friend who went down this path... I said... becareful as to how far down the rabbit hole you go, because you'll be leaving some things behind. He was a massive hockey fan, watched it, played the video games... knew all the stats... everything. I said... things like hockey, may not entertain your interests as they once did, if you go down this path. After a couple years of training, he did actually stop liking hockey... but as his own training has dropped off since that pinnacle time... he's actually reverted back to a lower state of awareness without realizing it, and is back into the hockey thing. Which is these things usually go... up a little bit... back a little bit... up a little bit more... back a little bit more. Can't have an up without a down. The point of this being, too much development in the realms of spirituality, can easily disassociate you from your cliques, and at an extreme level, can completely alienate you, because you're so out of phase with the rest of the world with your understanding and thinking, that people think you're a whack job. Then at that point, it is actually a conscious effort to go find a group that you can relate to, to ground yourself in something other than your own thoughts and head space, to simply be accepted again by the herd. This is a necessary step, otherwise you forget your own abilities to relate to other people. I firmly believe that this is why I have the certain key friends that I have. Some will simply not evolve, and those are the best teachers because they remind me what it takes to get to those who simply... will not evolve. I have others who are on the path... others who are trying to figure out where the path actually is, and all of them are struggling to discover exactly who they really are. It is with my own advancement, that I try to assist them and show them that evolution and advancement can be done, while staying well grounded in "reality," until such a time as being grounded in this cultural consciousness is no longer necessary, as we'll all collectively decide to change it for the betterment of our planet, our intercultural relations, and our own species' survival.

Another interesting point, was his comments on mastery. He's dipped into several different categories, and treaded water through many advanced concepts, and thinks at a high level in terms of conscious evolution, however admittedly, he has forgotten about matters of matter, meaning his body. He's also neglected a key point, which is mastery, in every sense of the word. Mastery is the ability to know something so intimately, so closely, that it is apart of you. When you perform your mastery, it is unconscious, meaning your conscious mind doesn't need to get involved. It is more emotional, peaceful... and refined. He had mentioned that he hasn't attained mastery in any field, as he dips into, and tries many different areas to expand his consciousness first. This is the method that I choose, but I attained mastery in my understanding of computer technology. I am on the road to attaining mastery in my Kung Fu practice, as well as with my authorship, guitar, and psychological "social experimentation" practices. These are the areas that I've chosen to master in this life, and once I've mastered them, there will be more things to master... and through that we build our character, we deepen it, we create the home within ourselves that we've always wanted. Mastery is key.

Knowing vs. Belief, Faith, Thoughts, Doubts, Ideas

Most people are satisfied with beliefs, or faith when it comes to things they don't understand or comprehend fully, yet still at some inner level they know there is truth there. When challenged on it, most people get defensive about their beliefs, ideas, thoughts about a particular thing, until they feel justified in their belief or faith. If they feel they cannot win the battle (argument), they will recoil and back out to a degree to save face, or avoid the opportunity to be confronted.

I say opportunity, because what that is... is a chance for you to reaffirm your sense of knowing in that instant. Knowing is the only state of being that there is when creating. There is no doubt, there is no faith, no belief, no rough sketchy ideas, or misguided thoughts... there is only knowing that whatever I have to create must be.

Knowing will bridge the gap between faith, belief, and manifestation. Knowing is a statement to yourself, and therefore the universe, that what you know is true, what you know is already there, already created, already exists, and the only thing that remains is for you to experience that knowing, which only takes time.

The time between when you've admittedly known something to be, and the experience of that knowing, varies to the degree that you've solidified your knowing. Meaning, to the degree that you know... is to the degree and speed that your manifestation will come to be. The more examples that you have that knowing will work, the more the act of knowing a thing to exist or to be true... will be.

Knowing is infinitely more powerful than thought, ideas, belief, faith, maybe's or hope. Knowing is a statement that I know this to be true or correct (even if it is proven otherwise), because to the degree that it is true and correct with your belief system, within your knowing system, is to the degree that it manifests as your reality.

Personally, I have moved away from doubt, I have moved away from guessing, faith, hope... trying, maybe's... hopefully's... possibly's... into a state of knowing with my book. The book is. Nothing can stop that now, it's already manifested. Now all that remains is for reality to catch up and produce within me, the experience of the book being published. It is my knowing that is the driving force of this creation, not a hope... not a one day maybe I'll get around to it... no. It simply is known that the books will be created, and the only road block to that experience is me.

I've ripped out all thoughts of doubt, thinking, maybe's, or anything that else that distracts from my concept of knowing. This is applicable to anything that you wish to be known to you, created, or experienced. Whether you know the answer in that instant or not is meaningless. You've stated that it is known, and it will be. Just wait and see, the more you experience success with this technique, the faster it will work, because you'll have solidified that knowing within your ego. The part of you that simply repeats behaviours for rewards or payoffs. But just wait and see what payoffs and rewards you'll experience in a state of knowing. See for yourself.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter!

Just came back from my Uncle's place, where we celebrated Easter this year as a family. Normally we've always celebrated Easter at my Grandmothers, however we've been changing the locations of these routine events, to give her a bit of a break. Last Christmas was also the first time we've ever not had Christmas eve dinner at my Grandmothers, which I hate to say it... just didn't feel the same. There wasn't as much a sense of unity or togetherness last year.

We'd spent last Christmas at my Uncle's house, who has a split level home which... while providing more space than my Grandmothers bungalow, it also caused more dispersed herd like behaviour amongst the family. Some went up stairs, others outside... the kids in the basement with the Xbox, and the adults scattered about. Not as convenient from a conversation point of view, as you'd have to seek out people if you wanted to speak with them specifically, instead of having them within an ear shot.

This Easter, being at my Uncles house was much the same. However it did have it's moments. The kids are growing up so fast... it's really a miracle to be able to remind ourselves of what it was like to be that young, and how we acted, and how quickly we changed. How quickly we've lost the brutal honesty, or open mind and heartedness. There is much spiritual doctrine that points to the children for our salvation, for our only way to understand what the "natural man" acts like. Before we've spoiled them with the practices and dogmas of social consciousness and culture. Unconditionally loving, wise, honest, cute, funny, and free. It's amazing... but I saw that again, and wow some of them have really grown. Life stops for no one.

One minute you pause to see a baby wrapped up in new born bundles at Christmas, and the next she's running at you at Easter. I can see how this all seems like the blink of an eye after it's all said and done. So the only thing to do is live in the now and remember and feel all the things that happen... cherish them. Maybe time will stand still then?

Monday, April 10, 2006

The Inner Process

I've recently changed the name of the site, for several reasons. For one - there was too much ambiguity associated with the previous name (Fading towards inner peace), as people had all kinds of imagery pertaining to what it was to... "fade towards inner peace"... as if they are wisped away, without any decision, or power from within, in their journey towards inner peace. That is not the message that I would like to send, as I feel that our decisions, and our own intention is the true energy that brings us closer to an understanding which brings about inner peace. It is not a force, or a current, or a wind that you may fade away into, as it is a decision, an intention, and a will that allows you to walk the path towards your inner peace.

Secondly, I've changed the name to allow for a more precise name, which places the blame (so to speak) on your own process of life... square where it belongs. You. The Inner Process means the process which lies within you, which is slowly, continuously, and joyously evolving to new states of consciousness and awareness.

Famous movies, such as 'The Matrix' have coined the phrase... "Walk the path." What is walking the path? That is a difficult question to answer without engaging my ego. Essentially, it is a set of decisions, a set of practices, a set of techniques, a series of concepts, a list of ideas, all of which are chosen by yourself, on your own, which simply brings you back to a natural understanding of who you are. Walking the path brings you back to a natural state of being, which allows for an unlimited understanding of expressing (yourself). In this state you are... non judgmental, independent of the good opinion of others, a state which doesn't judge, analyze, label, describe, or define... in this state the entity just witnesses.

Understanding what you were meant to do (which is whatever you decide), what you feel good doing, a feeling beyond all outside expectation, beyond our skin encapsulated ego, into a realm of pure being, is the meaning of walking the path. Walking the path, is the long road which lessens your ego, allowing the other states of consciousness and awareness to break through, which expresses your deeper states of understanding, and your own inner truth, your own story to bring forth to the world.

Raising your state of consciousness to a level of cosmic consciousness, beyond deep sleep, beyond dream state, beyond waking state consciousness.... into the realm of total consciousness, is the Journey we will all embark on, whether you're aware of it or not. Whether you think you're participating or not, whether you think you're subject to the physics of this world, to death, to thought abnormalities, or collective (societal) consciousness or not. You're apart of the game. Learn the rules.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Book 1 - Outline

I've been vague long enough, and now I think it's time to share the outline of book one. This description is subject to change, as I'm still in the process of formulating the proper synopsis. Comments are welcome.

Essentially, this is book 1 of 3, although other books will be written within the universe of this series, the initial 3 stories will lay the foundation. Book 1 is about a scientist who works for a government funded research company in Canada, and is asked to help design a new technology that could revolutionize the world via it's ability to directly manipulate the human brain. The problem is that the technology can be used to either enslave mankind, or to empower it, and the protagonist must walk the fine line between the two, discovering the unique properties of the device.

The device itself, can potentially destroy, or vastly evolve the human brain, and thus propels the user into another dimension, with different characters, villains and obstacles to overcome. The other dimension then begins to bleed into the main dimension (earth realm), and the hero then comes to terms with who he really is, and what he must do. All the while, he questions whether the technology is actually sending him into another dimension, or if he's simply hallucinating. The story changes perspectives, between the hero, his girlfriend, his best friend, the villain, a rogue police inspector, and his teacher, as they all are trying to understand what the hero must do to unravel the mystery of the mythological tale that the hero seems to be apart of.

The main character is torn between the love of two different women, one who can't truly understand him, and another whose identity is in question. All the while, the main character tries to unravel the mysteries that are locked away in the technology, before they can be realized and leveraged by the villain to completely enslave mankind.

I've spent the last 2 years writing and researching this book, however many of the experiences that you'll read are actually adopted from events that have actually happened to me over the last 12 years. It is not a biography, but more a painted or skewed picture of my reality, wrapped in intrigue and excitement. All facts, technology, and phenomena that you'll read within the story are true, as is much of the character development.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

Right now I still have to complete the Epilogue, however my editor seems to like the idea and how I'm going to present it, so that's good news. I had a few ideas on some topics I'd like to cover in the Epilogue, but I still have to write them.

A great deal of information has been directed towards me, in terms of publishing next steps, editing tips, and some education on the entire publishing process. I believe that I will go through at least 2 - 3 rounds of edits, just to make sure that the book is in its most polished state before I begin sending it out. Even before that happens, I have to go through and put the manuscript into proper MSS format, which is the manuscript format accepted by most publishers.

Each publisher has their own specifications and rules for MSS submission, but they vary only slightly from what I can tell, so the majority of the work involves getting it suitable for at least one of them.

I eagerly await feedback from my editor, as other things go on in my life. I've contacted some of the fine people I've met in Mexico over the weekend, to get some activities started. I can't mention enough how much that trip affected me, my writing, my confidence, my understanding of who I am. It's a great thing, to be resolute and satisfied within yourself, no matter what happens. Some days holding that perspective in mind can be a challenge, but it's always waiting for you when you're back... and not so hard on yourself.

We're getting there though... Edit, Revise, Edit Revise, Review, Repeat. Send out packages and Query Letters, and Repeat. It's coming!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Back Home

So many developments... where to begin? Now the search for the right editor(s) has begun, as I'm using every waking moment, every other thought, every spare second to call, write, contemplate, and visualize, to get this book edited and published.

Right now, the challenge is to evolve this book to its most pristine and polished version for submission to publishers. As two years have passed since I wrote my first sentence, the story has evolved, my writing has evolved, and I've evolved, so bringing all of that consciousness together in a cohesive and smooth flowing format becomes challenging. Although the feedback I've received so far has been astounding... and more than I could have asked for... I still push forward and continually edit and tweak the story when I have time.

The best way to have time to write, is to make time. But that isn't always possible, so we work within the time lines that we allow ourselves. Since I've returned from Mexico. I haven't had a great deal of time to dedicate to editing, as many other things have needed my attention, although I'm feeling the pull back to the work, so I can edit and expand or enrich the book where necessary. Right now I'm waiting on some further feedback from a friend, so I can then begin to integrate some suggestions and go forward.

It's difficult to describe how I feel right now, as it's as if the book is already on shelves, and I'm just waiting for everyone else to realize that. I've met so many interesting people that have aided my development, and the development of the story, and will inevitably contribute to it's successes and completion, and I thank them all for it... but I'm continually astounded by the universe and how it produces the proper conditions, and people, exactly when they are required. As I work towards completing this major milestone in my life, and as I contemplate its ultimate enlightening qualities, I'm further guided and made aware of the audiences which require this material more than others.

I see others with their incomplete understandings, their confused realities, and how they've ultimately rationalized their worlds into being. I think of them when I write, I think of how they'll interpret my work, and I smile. I do not think of myself as better than them, nor even do I have a more "complete" version of reality, because realities are all equal unto themselves, however through the fundamental understandings that I've gained so far, I do feel that my realization of who I am would be of great value to others, as they too can decide who they are, and work from that state of beingness, in all thoughts, words, and actions.

The fundamental lack in understanding within many of the realities and points of view in which I refer pertains to a lack in self realization. This level, this self realization in which I speak is the awareness of who we really are, collectively. What we are as a species, where we came from, where we are going, and how we can all get there, in whatever capacity, and via whatever path we choose. But ultimately, we will all get there. With this understanding, I write for them, and I write for myself as well. I love the craft, and it is through this venue that I can express myself fully, and in a way that rings true for my soul and spirit. When I write, I feel as if this is what I was meant to do, this is where I should be, these words are exactly what should be coming out of me, and it is because of this, that I will continue to write, and continue on my path back home.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Casa De Graham

I returned from the Yucatan, Mexico last Monday, and as I had expected, I had the time of my life. I met incredible people, loving, peaceful, interesting, and real. The experience will be one that will stay with me my entire life. I visited ancient ruins, beaches, different cities, and discovered more things about myself than I thought possible in a two week span.

The book was finished the first week I arrived, as I worked feverishly late into the night, writing, editing, plotting, and imagining the next scene of events. I'm very pleased with the book I've written, it's prologue, it's soon to be written epilogue, and the people that came together in my life to help me create this story. I can only say thank you to everyone and everything that's allowed me to get this far in life, this early. The only thing I can do to repay everyone is to be happy for the rest of my life, to continue to create, and to honour the memories and the love I've felt along the way.

Friday, March 03, 2006

The Adventure Continues

So here I am, only a couple days away from vacation, and about to embark on the journey of my life. The trip that will allow me to complete my work. I'll be going down to Mexico to enjoy the rays, spend time with my family, do some hard work, and relax. This won't be a sipping margaritas by the poolside type of trip I suspect... as I'm going down to my parents home, which does require some work once we get there. But once all of that is out of the way, I'll be on the verge of completing Book 1.

Of course, this is just the first draft of book 1, and I'm not sure how many drafts I'll need to create before I bring this to a publisher - at least 2 more edits. I've given the work to a few friends, and I have a few more that will take a look at a more polished version, as I'd like to reserve their skills till the end. There is a great deal of time and effort that goes into editing and reviewing, and it's not to be taken lightly, so this review process has to be well thought out.

Once I've gone through and taken in the edits, critiques and opinions of my friends, I will bring it to a professional editor for review. I'm not sure how much that will cost, but whatever it is... it'll be worth it. The thing about writing over a prolonged period of time, and the funny thing about evolution, is that you end up getting better. So I would not be surprised by comments about my style actually improving as the story progressed. So now it's a matter of going back and fixing parts that need fixing... adding content where necessary, and adhering to proper standards for authorship. I have some resources on the subject, which I will be reviewing as I go... and I will begin to integrate those thoughts and concepts within the material.

It's funny how you get totally different reviews from certain people. Some are very willing to encourage... where some others are very willing to critique. Some are very aware of their own faults and their own presence, and so they are reserving their comments only until the entire work is complete, for fear of becoming overbearing or influencing the creation of the work. It's a fragile thing... writing something for this length of time, and staying encouraged, and being excited... and not wanting to share it at times... and at other times you just can't stop talking about it. But as everyone internalizes everything, and takes in the information and filters it through their own perspective, they cannot and will not see things as I do - so it's not always appropriate to discuss the work.

Although, it's hard to keep a lid on something like this - simply because feedback becomes your life blood at times, especially if work gets in the way of the writing, or the universe turns your focus toward other activities. Sometimes it's those certain special friends that are there that make all the difference - when that friend becomes your biggest fan and keeps pushing you to go on, and keeps you motivated to stay interested, and finally reminds you that this ... will be what you what you've always wanted - it's people like that who makes the whole process seem worth while. I'm lucky that I have that experience as a part of my process - otherwise, this could have taken a great deal longer to complete. This has always been something that I've had to do... but when you're ready - life provides you with just the right amount of catalysts to bring you through to completion.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Fool on the Hill

Day after day, I continue to ponder my purpose. I am not so presumptuous to assume that the universe has a specific purpose for me over others, it's more that I ponder what my purpose is for myself. I think about my story, and the journey it's taken me on. I think about the learning that I'm undertaking, and the effect it has on my overall processing of my reality. I think about topics like psychology, science, emotion, love, and my experiences of the human condition.

All of this was at some point an effort to resolve my own issues, my own faults, my own darkside... and as I continue to do so, I ponder when I made the transition from fixing my own human conditional problems, to solving others. At some point I decided that I must become the source of healing and the source of psychological problem solving, and give that away as the world around me requires it. Thus allowing me to heal the issues within. Perhaps this book is an effort to resolve my own issues surrounding hero archetypes, or maybe just the adventure that I would have liked to have experienced, and so I've created it. Much of it is taken from direct experiences I've had, whether in physical life or in dream states, and been adapted for the story. There is much of me in this work, and there is much work left to do in me.

Nothing has any meaning, save the meaning we give it. And so I ponder the meaning of creating such a book, such a series of books, and thus I ponder my purpose in creating it. All things are meant to be as they are, in my belief system, so with that understanding, this book was meant to be written, and meant to be read. The overall effect it has will be unknown to me... probably will remain unknown until long after I've left this place. Who can really speculate the effect that anything can have over a long period of time... it's like throwing a pebble into a pond, and speculating the change in molecules from that single event. Assumptions can be made, but the reality will always be different.

This effort comes from a place of joy, as writing is what I love to do, and it's what I'm good at. The rest of reality will eventually change as per my intensions, and will allow more books to come forth. I can hardly wait! I'll get there... we'll all get there.

I have a vacation coming up, starting next week. I'll be spending 2 weeks in the Yucatan, and I'll use that time to complete the remainder of the book, meaning chapter 20 and 21, as well as the Proluge and Epilogue. I will return with a finished product, that is ready for serious editing. Stay tuned! More to come.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Behavioural Science

Conceptual paradigm shifts are often subtle, but once realized feels like you've known the truth from the beginning. You eventually come to a point where you can barely remember your behaviour before the conceptual shift. This is the power of a changing perspective.

Last night I had a conversation with a close friend, who has been subtly displaying passive aggressive behaviours over the last year. A particularly devious characteristic, which is not conducive to transparency. A quality that I respect and appreciate. The problem with passive aggressive behaviour, is that you tend to avoid direct conflict if you fear that you will be proven wrong, and bury the confrontation into the roots of your mind. Actually trying to convince yourself that "nothing happened", and usually will just say things like... "lets for get about it now..." and so forth. Of course, I can discern the behaviour, and I realize it's consequences.

If you do not deal with the confrontation head on, and resolve it immediately, it may seem like it will go away... but only for now. Then when similar circumstances arise in the future, you immediately recall the last time it happened, and tend to bring it up. Usually in a "joking" manor, or in a suggestive, non threatening tone. But many a truth is said in jest. And just because you have a smile on your face, doesn't mean that what you're saying is funny, or even accurate. Eventually, this act of burying confrontations just simply amounts to several unresolved issues within yourself, and then become outward expressions later on. Then arguments tend to be about nothing, and veer way off topic, simply because it's not just about dealing with the issue of the now, it's dealing with the issues over the past year... or perhaps their entire lives.

When you argue about everything, you're arguing about nothing. You're essentially saying, there is something wrong inside, I don't know how to resolve it... so lets argue. This is damaging to any relationship, and will create resentment, and slows the progression and evolution of everyone involved.

Eventually, after explaining my point of view for several hours, I believe for the first time, the issues were seen through my eyes, by the other party. Which did spark a paradigm shift, and an awareness of the defensive, victim behaviours, and the immediate break down in listening / communication which accompanies passive aggressive behaviour. But this paradigm shift took over a year to occur in the other party.

I of course, have gone through this myself, but moved through this paradigm very quickly. And because I've seen this behaviour in myself, I can see it in others. However, guiding others through this paradigm can take years sometimes, because of the illusive nature of the bahaviour, and the lack of resolve to actually deal with the confrontation head on. This typically leads to a stymie between the two conflicting parties. However, the good news is the other party saw the issue, acknowledged their victim / defensive / passive aggressive behaviour after several hours of discussion, and is now ready and willing to change. That is the first step. The next is being conscious in every moment, to watch for the behaviour and actively try to change it. Being conscious in every moment is the next step for all of us.

Friday, February 17, 2006


Creating the right atmosphere is an art form. And moving into my condo allowed me the opportunity to express that. The move went well, the only problem was the couch got stuck on the way out of my old basement apartment, and so we had to break down an entire wall, well at least a massive chunk of it to ensure its exodus from the stairwell. It was really funny actually, just not at the time. One of the Russian movers remarked that everything was damaged... everything. Except the couch.

I haven't had time to write for the past week or so, but I'm feeling the pull to get back to it. And usually when I don't listen to that pull... I get frustrated! But it's for good reason this time, as I'm dealing with my car which has some issues, which are now fixed... but I'm still leary about it's functionality. It's the second time this issue has happened with the car, which causes it to die and/or lose power because the fan belt seems to fall off, or get cut, which stops the power flow to the alternator... leaving me to run the car on a battery that isn't being recharged. That means it dies. Second time that happened... the first time, it died in the middle of an intersection! Then we took it to the closest dealership (don't ask why) which said they put a new fan belt on and corrected the issue. Then two weeks later, the check engine light goes on... then a week later it dies completely. Guess what happened... no fan belt ! I brought it back to the guy I bought it from, and he fixed it. I just don't want the same issue to happen again obviously, so I'm leaving it with him until tomorrow. Funny thing is, he said there wasn't even a fan belt on there to begin with... meaning it got cut, or was too tight... or just ripped and fell off, possibly during the towing. But I digress... It's working now, but I'm asking the mechanics to test it out for a couple days to see if they notice any other oddities.

Other than that, I'm still in the process of unpacking, and last night I just setup the rest of my network and computers at home. The one computer that didn't survive the move, doesn't turn on at all anymore... as it fell off the back of my dad's van, directly onto the cement driveway, and bounced a couple times. Not good. But once the office is arranged to my liking, I will be ready to finish off chapter 20, and 21. I've asked some other writers friends of mine to review the work once it's done, as well as a few others... so I'm anticipating some fantastic feedback, which will go a long way towards polishing the final product. 2 years in the making... I can't believe it.

Only a few other things are left to be done at the condo, such as putting up the blinds on the main floor, adding a couple more coats of finish to the counter top, and mounting my fountain against the wall. And of course... I eagerly await my recliner, that I bought specifically for reading / meditation / relaxing. That will be fun, but it wont arrive until May. I did get a new dining room table, and chairs, which looks fantastic. I'm really excited about how it all looks, and feels, I'm home.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Moving This Weekend

The big move is this weekend, which means... many things are going to change, and in a VERY good way. I will have ample time to finish the book as soon as I'm finished moving, which means I don't have a great deal of time to edit, and allow for others to review the material. However, I am staying on course, and April is still the date in which I'll be approaching publishers. Of course, if anyone has any contacts that may be interested, please let me know.

Otherwise, I'll begin work on book 2 immediately after I've begun contacting publishers regarding book 1. These are exciting times for me, and it's good to be alive. Thank you everyone, for your support, and your help along the way. Your feedback, and thoughts, and encouragement has gone a long way, in allowing me to complete my work within a 2 year time frame.

The move will be done by Saturday night, and will be the first time I'll have actually slept over there... but I'm really looking forward to it. The facilities at the condo are great, and should yield an entirely different way of life than I'm used to. My old way of life was amazing as well, with an incredible family, and support system of friends that have guided me along the way, and helped show me the truth. I am not leaving you, but our relationship will change form, allowing me to grow into something better than I was. So thank you for that.

I will be visiting my family at least twice a week anyway, once or twice a week for guitar lessons, and Sunday dinner of course. Can't leave behind mom's Italian Pasta... it's out of this world. That'll keep me coming back for many years to come. Anyway, not much else to report, as I'm just co-ordinating the move, and getting myself organized. I am anxious to work on the book, but I'm sure the break from the material will only aid to enrich the entire process. Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I Heart Huckabees

I watched "I Heart Huckabees" last night, and to my surprise, I loved it! It was a great movie about the journey of mankind, through existentialism, meaning their search for who they are, why they are, and how they came to be.

The plot revolves around Dustin Hoffman, and Lily Tomlin, as a husband and wife duo, who are Existential Detectives, and solve the existential problems of their clients. The story is quite humourous as the detectives gain more clients through several people who are all linked together in some way by strange coincidences.

Some of the dialogue, and some of the methodology for "meditation" (a word they do not use in the movie) is brilliant, as they attempt to explain the concepts of infinite, and what that means to us as humans to characters within the film. For those who are curious about the underlying concepts of eastern religions, or the basic understanding of unity, I highly recommend this film. It should change your point of view or at least introduce some new ideas into your realm of understanding, which may benefit you.

I love the movie industry, and I love the publishing industry, as the medium itself is what creates the culture and the understandings of those who enjoy them. These industries create subconscious understanding, they create normalities within the culture... meaning widely accepted ideas and concepts, which serve to evolve the entire culture, and elevate it by bringing new ideas to the forefront. Suddenly entire cultures will know what unity is, then countries will eventually accept the principle, then eventually we all will. And perhaps that will be the day that we finally see peace on this planet, by way of understanding who we truly are, and how we relate to each other.

Our culture currently (although with films like this it is changing slowly) believes in separation, meaning this is separate from that, up is different than down, hot and cold are different, I am different from that guy, and she is different from me. Difference, separation... then all of a sudden it's a grab for resources... I need MORE than that guy to ensure my existence and my quality of life. This resource grab happens at every level, even and most obvious at the Governmental level... as the highest forms of our Government will reflect our current understandings... spiritually, emotionally, intellectually... because we allow the Government to act on our behalf. Thus they reflect our current state of awareness and understanding. Which is first and foremost... Separation.

When our civilization makes the conceptual transition to an understanding that we are Unitied, then we will see a radical difference in our culture. We will shift into something bigger, grander, and more of an expression of who we really are... an expression of our core, our essence. Which is love.

Monday, February 06, 2006

It's been awhile!

I haven't had much time since my last post. I had posted something in between this and the last one, however I've decided to take it down due to certain content. The truth of the post rings true, but the impression it leaves could be taken out of context.

I'm still in between apartments right now, as I'm moving out of my old basement apartment and into my new condo. The process has been painstakingly long, but well worth it. The down side is two fold... not having a sane creative environment to work on the book... and no time to work on the book! But what I do have time for is jot notes, which is what I do frequently... whenever I have an idea pertinent to the story, or something just has to come through, I'll write it all out.

Interesting things have happened during the time I've had off from the book due to the move... some intriguing conversations have taken place, and some amazing details have revealed themselves. I was asked what my philosophy was, indirectly, but someone who didn't really have a grasp of what my philosophy really was... and like all of us, fills in the blanks with their own ideas and labels of what I might be about. However, as they were mistaken, it forced me to simply and plainly put into words, exactly what my philosophy is... for the moment. But far reaching enough, and true enough that it can be true in all times and places. It is this message that will be embedded within the story in certain respects, just so the reader can ascertain where I'm coming from.

The story is just that... a story. It has subtle contexts embedded, examples, and events within, which should make the reader come back and ponder what has happened, as I purposely leave out many labels. Simply just placing the experiences in front of the reader, and allowing the reader to decide for themselves. I've created a framework for the mind to play in, and when it's complete, I expect many will have unique experiences with the work, perhaps unique to each time they read it.

In this time off, a major revelation... well several in fact, have come to pass for me. My relationship to the main female character in the book, Tamara, really brought about some emotions for me, and allowed that chapter of my life to come to a close. It can never really be closed off however, as the basis for the character, is formed from experiences I've had in my past, which will never leave me. I'm a different person because of those experiences, I'm inspired because of those experiences... and it's because of those memories that I've created this book. She was my muse. An image left uncorrupted by the illusions of experiences, the projections of expectation, and the disappointment of reality. And it is in this image that I've created her. And that should come across in the book... however chapter 21... will definitely reveal how I've framed that whole experience, what context I've finally put around it... and how it's shaped who I am. Even until this very moment. I've enjoyed this process, as it's brought me back to those experiences... forced me to relive them, and in those memories, the experiences never really ended... as I can access them whenever I choose. I hope this makes more sense to you after having read the book. =)