Priorities

It's been awhile since I've had time to write. I'm not only referring to posting to this site, but also writing in general. My life has taken a strange turn of events lately, and things have become more clear.

Several relationship learning have taken place, as well as several formal courses dealing with Personality Theory, Abnormal Psychology, and topics of that nature. All of these things serve the creative process... but how could they not? I create as I live, and I live what I create. Whether the topics are deep, surface level, or what have you. I consistently will learn something new everyday. I will remember something new about myself everyday, and in that I have the opportunity to create myself a new every day. That process is difficult however, as I must fight through a belief system that hinders me. Weeding through it all from a logical stand point is one thing, but dealing with the emotional attachments to the beliefs is something entirely different.

It can be the difference between motivated action, and lethargic contemplation. I continue to look within for inspiration, and consciously do not let it turn to desperation regardless of the life events which surface around me. I am a better person for the days events, and I will continue to improve as the years pass me by.

The progress of Book I has slowed somewhat, but there is movement. My editor is nearly complete with the final parts of her work, meaning the last Part evaluation, and the last edits of the epilogue. The book is in the hands of someone who is helping me along with the Proposal process, as I continue to proof read my work once again. I would like the proposal to be complete by January, so that 2007 can be dedicated to shopping it around, as well as putting pen to paper for Book 2.

Book 2 will go deeper into the story of course, but specifically will speak to multidimensional theory and how the characters interact within the worlds in which they live. There will be several surprises, and the much awaited conclusion to a devastating conflict which appears in Book 1. Thoughts of Book 2 are always with me, and I always think of how life will unfold for me, either in waking life or in dreams, so that I may write what needs to be said. So I can do what needs to be done; complete the trilogy and publish it.

Time management has become an issue however, as there are many goals that lay before me, and many things that need to be done. In that space there is still me, a human being, attempting to live, and attempting to experience joy and love within a process which unfolds almost on its own. A process that involves me, consumes me, overtakes me and guides me down the path towards completion. Rest and fun have become foreign words at times, but I continue to press on, and grab my happiness here and there as it presents itself.

The fear I have however, is that neutrality... my main defense against the sometimes lack luster events which unfold before me, my main weapon in my fight to be detached from the world and the circus of events that unfold. I fear that my neutrality is robbing me of my humanity. Does it mean that because I am neutral to all life events, that I cannot enjoy life? Upon reflection of this paragraph, I say no. I say the ability to remain neutral allows me something that most people do not have. Clarity. The ability to selectively engage my emotions and gauge my response to events as they unfold. The clarity that this brings to any situation is invaluable. And when I decide that it's time to enjoy love, to live, and to have fun, I actively engage. Where neutrality allows me the ability to consciously disengage when needed, and to have the clarity to engage and use my energy when necessary.

I'm at a period in my life where life altering decisions happen on an almost daily basis. The ability to remain calm under that kind of duress is critical, albeit sometimes frustrating as well. I manage the frustration and stress in a few different ways, as my main outlet (writing) has taken the back seat. Time management will be more and more critical in the coming months, as I wrap my brain around a plan to have all of this come together by January, while still training Kung Fu and Guitar... and of course balancing all of this against the energy drain of my day job as a Process Analyst.